Realization

Dear Jacob,

Well I have been doing a lot of thinking about our conversation from the other day. The one about finding focus. (Lets be honest, I don't really have a lot to do...lol, just kidding...I am really bad with jokes, sorry for putting everyone through that pain) But I have come to the decision that since I am here and have no other concerns at the moment, I am going to focus only on me. As I say that I feel guilty and kind of mean. I dont usually try to live with the focus being on me. I dont like the spotlight or the attention, it makes me nervous...(gives me the heeebadee-jeeebadees). I have been wasting too much time worring over things that I cannot control, and it has been driving me nuts. I havent been able to sleep, I think and mull things over instead of study, its just a bad deal all around. I havent even been eating that well. (that being said, mom, I still eat, dont worry about that. I just dont DO anything, and therefore am not hungry). which is odd, because everyone knows how much I love food! *Cheesy grin* ^_^

So starting today I went to the campus fitness center and worked out, and I studied and read all the silly psych stuff, and now I am working on Chinese, which is actually fun, unlike forced reading for psych. (haha, I am definatly going to kick the Chinese tests butt!)

I Still feel guilty for some reason about this whole post. But I dont really have anything else to focus on except myself, and honestly, I think its time to actually think about myself for a while. (it sounds so selfish! I really don't like it.)

peace and love,

lala