I get by...

With a little help from my firends!

Dear Jacob,

I want to thank you (and Darren, even Nykki helped a little, so her too) for being there yesterday. Even just listening to me rant about my bad day just made it better. And this song by The Beatles says it all:

I Get By With A Little Help From My Friends

What would you think if I sang out of tune
Would you stand up and walk out on me
Lend me your ears and I'll sing you a song
and I'll try not to sing out of key

Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends
Mm, I get high with a little help from my friends
Mm, Gonna try with a little help from my friends

What do I do when my love is away
Does it worry you to be alone
How do you feel by the end of the day
Are you sad because you're on your own

No, I get by with a little help from my friends
Mm, I get high with a little help from my friends
Mm,Gonna try with a little help from my friends

Do you need anybody
I need somebody to love
Could it be anybody
I want somebody to love

Would you believe in a love at first sight
Yes, I'm certain that it happens all the time
What do you see when you turn out the light
I can't tell you, but I know it's mine

Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends
Mm, I get high with a little help from my friends
Oh, Gonna try with a little help from my friends

Do you need anybody
I just need someone to love
Could it be anybody
I want somebody to love

Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends
Mm, Gonna try with a little help from my friends
Oh, I get high with a little help from my friends
Yes, I get by with a little help from my friends,
with a little help from my friends

I cant believe you almost had me convinced that Darren was over there with you. Your mom thought it was really funny too, when I told her. But like I said before (and I probably will many times again) Thanks for just being there! You are fabulous!

Medic?

Dear Jacob,

I have been trying to study my medic stuff for the past hour or so today. Needless to say, its not going well. I feel like I am spinning my wheels. Its like my car is stuck in a sinking mud hole. The more I try to rev the engine and get my car out, the faster it sinks. When I first started paramedic class, I hated it. I wanted to quit. But I stuck with it, and it turned out that I actually liked it a lot. It forced me to be decisive and think quickly and stand by my decisions. Something I don't think I am usually very good at. But right now, sitting here, studying things that I have studied a thousand times before, I wonder if I am worthy of the job? I wonder what will make taking the test this time any different from the other two times? I doubt my ability, competency, and value that I need to be a medic. This fucking sucks.

I put up with a crappy program and fought through it, even when I thought I couldn't do it anymore. I drove 200+ miles a week the last semester to finish clinicals, and yet, at this point, it all means nothing. And it will continue to mean nothing if I cant pass that damn test. You told me before that I have it in me, and I thought so too, but right now it feels like all that work, all the hoops and tricks and tests and money was all for nothing. Im not looking for you to tell me that I have it in me. I just need to figure out how the hell to get over this hurdle. You'd think it'd be easy after the mountain I had to climb for school. But so far, its gotten me both times. Whats to say it wont the third?

Here are some lyrics to a Matisahu song that I have been listening to, trying to be more positive. (its not working)

Dispatch The Troops - Matisyahu
So I'm sending out an SOS
Fighting with her Ta
She wants out of this mess
And those big city lights
Might brighten up the darkness
You know that I'm tired and you know that I'm stressed
You can't stop me and you can't stop this
You could call the police try to make an arrest
Today is the day that I repossess
Leaving on the first bus that I can get

k

Something I've been working on

I was playing with stop-motion photography, and this is what I came up with.
This is my second video, it is better than the first, but you can see the first one at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mIpxFk3_klg if you are interested.

Enjoy!





lala

Tattoo

Here is a picture of the tattoo I want to get! I asked Dad if he would come with me for my 21st birthday and we could both get tattoos. He didn't say no, so I am planning! (unfortunately he didn't readily say yes either) No worries, I will convince him soon enough!


Obviously its not going to be on my wrist, I just haven't decided on the placement yet. But I do have some ideas! (They are all appropriate too, nothing dirty)

God Bless,
kk

Looking around

Dear Jacob.

Over the last week, I did some exploring and picture taking, and just generally enjoying Bemidji (or, as I like to call it, midji) I rode my bike down to the park by Paul Bunyon and Babe, and went down to the lake on a nice little fishing peir that looks under some bridges that cross the Mississippi River.










This is the main bridge going over the river.














And the support beams for the bridge.














And under the bridge. There was a cute little school of minnows swimming in the sunlight.

The night that I was walking down by the lake (an earlier post) was so beautiful, these are some pictures of the lake and the leaves turning colors.
























I am sure I will be finding many more wonderful photo opportunities now that the leaves are starting to change! (plus fall is my favorite season, so I am more inclined to take pictures of it anyway ;)

I enjoyed our Chinese study time, and I hope that we can get together at a more reasonable time for me (1 am usually is a good time, but not this week, lol) So I can actually consiously study with you, we are helping each other out!

Have a good week Pookey-poo,
hugs & kisses,
lala

Enjoying....

Dear Jacob,

This evening I went the most wonderful walk! The temperature outside is at the perfect spot where you would be absolutely comfortable in a t-shirt or a sweatshirt or almost anything. I walked over to the lake and just watched the loons float around, perfectly un-aware that I was watching them. The leaves are starting to change colors already. Some of the maple and oak trees have the beautiful red leaves, its so gorgeous! There was a little bit of a breeze, just enough to carry the crisp sent of fall along and keep the air from being too still. I sat on the log and just enjoyed the perfect late summer night. Sadly there were no ducks flitting around this evening.
When I left my dorm room I did what I usually do, put on a sweatshirt (although it wasnt needed at all) and grabbed my phone, iPod and camera. As I walked I was in my own little state, I pushed the whole college scene out of my mind and let every other stimulation enter. The sent of fall on the breeze, the very slight rustle of the leaves, the loons calling, the bats swooping for bugs. Everything seemed ten times more vibrant and spirited. I gave serious consideration to sleeping out by the lake, it is just so perfect tonight.

I thought about the actions that I went through before I got to where I was. Grabbing my phone, iPod and camera...I had over $400 worth of electronics on me, and yet not one in use. I have taken for granted the wonderful, wonderful world around me, and have replaced partially with a synthetic reality. I dont need my iPod, I dont NEED a phone, I dont need a camera. They are pulling people away from seeing the real beauty in the world around them. That being said, it is very hard NOT to see the beauty up here.

I have a deeper understanding of what you were talking about the other day, how you said that it bothered you that you walked slower than everyone else, but then realized that you enjoy the walk more, and notice more things. Tonight I was able to totally push out any influence of college life, even though I was sitting in the middle of campus, and just think and enjoy the world without interption.

The only thing that would have made it a better night would to have you here, because I know you would have enjoyed it just as much, if not more than, Idid.

hugs & kisses

lala

What is your passion?

Dear Jacob,

Today as I was walking back from Chinese class, I began thinking about how two people with such different backgrounds and social skills (although when you think about it, our social skills are very similar) can get along so well. I grew up in a very grounded family, we didn't move very often and I attended school in the same town my whole life, up until my second go at college. As a result, I am afraid of change, afraid of new things. I have friends but only a couple who are very close to me. You moved a lot and had to deal with change all the time, and never knew if you were going to be at the same school for the whole year. Because of that, you are used to change and love to explore and see new things, really get to know your world. You also have only a few close friends but about the same amount as me.

The one thing you have that I don't is a passion. I realized today that I have lots of little things that I like to do, but I don't think really have a passion for anything. I find that really odd because I always say that what I like to find out most about a person is their passion and that a persons passion really defines who they are. You are a gamer, you love playing games of any kind and could get lost for a whole day without knowing it. You get lost in your own little world. I have a lot of things that I like to do, like scrapbooking or biking, but I dont think that I could do any of them for a whole day. I dont think I could immurse myself into something so much that I just get lost. Quite frankly, that makes me really heartbroken.

I think a passion is what really drives a person to live. maybe not so much live, but thrive. It makes a person who they are. So then if I have no passion, who am I? What am I? I cannot answer that question, and that alone scares the hell out of me.

Another day

Dear Jacob,

Well the week has gone fast but slow at the same time. (Its handy, but also a pain, lol) I am still a little bummed about the whole plane ticket thing, but I think I may start aiming for spring break if we can match up some time! (I haven't looked into it at all yet, so don't get any hopes up!) On the plus side my Bio test was super easy and I dont have any 8 am class next week! Yahoo!!! (if you could only see the glorious happy dance I am dancing!)

As far as the job search goes, I might have to look at a waitressing job or something. It wouldnt be so bad...I mean its either picking up undigested food and being pleasent to people who are usually in good mental states, or getting the other end (yes, diapers) and having to clean up other bodily fluids from people who are well past their mental prime. When I put it like that I dont know why I am having so much trouble with accepting a waitressing job. :-)

I really like my psych class. probably because I already know most of the info from medic school, and then any extra info are just small details...so I will have lots of time to work and study Chinese, because my other two classes are a breeze! (The unitention of the rhyming makes me happy...)

And here is my happy joke for the day, because the other day I took a really really fast shower, (seriously, I should have a medal for that or something, it was speedy) and this reminded me a little of that.


lala

Clowinging around

This is a video of Tim break dancing for us after a couple people expressed our doubt in his true break dancing abilities. The only lesson learned was don't doubt that Tim wont do (or attempt) something you put him up to.

Weekend...

This weekend was my first real weekend at college! It kind of sucked because it rained the whole time, but this evening has been very clear (and cool...down in the low 40's) and I got some pretty pictures of the moon over the lake.

It was a nice weekend though, I was at the Eberts, watching their three little rascals. (and pretty much mooching off their internet and stove, yay for home cooked meals!)

^ This is Toni, the boston terrier (and the only little dog I would ever consider owning)
She is the cutest little deaf dog I have ever come across.

^ This is Morgan and Kelsey, the two yellow labs, also big sweet hearts!

So, I guess my weekend consisted of eating too much food, playing with the pups, and NOT doing school work (which was ok in my book, haha)

Have a great week, hopefully mine is a bit more entertaining.

hugs & kisses,

lala

Things I have learned...

Here are some things I have learned about being a college student after only being here for three weeks:

1. Stairs do not work if there is an elevator present. I live on the7th floor, and I frequently take the stairs up to my room. The elevators take too long and usually end up stopping on every floor...it takes forever! But there are people who take the elevator to the 2nd floor...that is 20 stairs. That's all, 20. it is 100 stairs up to the 7th. But apparently stairs don't work.

2. If you walk onto the street, all the cars will stop. You defiantly DON'T have to look and see if there are cars coming before you go. I have seen cars swerve to miss people who just wander into the middle of the street without even thinking "hey, there could be big huge steel machines of death driving fast enough to kill me if they hit me."

3. Going to college and not having a job means you can act as immature and "cool" as you want. Mom and Dad are paying for everything right? So why not party and be as stupid as you want to be while you are here?!

I'm sure the list will grow as I am here longer...don't get me wrong, I'm not angry that I have witnessed all these "perks of being a college student." I am actually a bit amused that people who are supposed to be so intelligent can actually act so ignorantly.

Red vs Blue

Dear Jacob,

Today has been an interesting day. (in a scene that it has gone way too fast and has been a little confusing) First off, I got a C on my psych test. and that is what I thought I would get, so I am neither surprised nor sad. Unfortunately I am not happy with it either, because I know I could have done better, but thankfully (or maybe not) there will be a next time. However Chinese is still going great! although she is moving really fast, so I will have to start cracking down on everything. I'm starting to worry that I wont have very much time to study my medic stuff and still do well in my other classes. And how do you determine which is more important? It is a difficult question, and I don't know how to answer it.

ha! I started watching RedVsBlue today, from the very beginning, and it is GLORIOUS! (it doesnt sound as cool from the pink text...) but yes, I think I am starting to show some nerdy-ness. You are rubbing off on me. And props for being able to rub off on me from 7,000 miles away! That is no easy feat, my friend.

hugs & kisses

lala

A day in Morris: Another photo story (with some more words)

Dear Jacob,

Welcome to my dorm room at Bemidji State University! We are only here for a short time to say a few things. Those things are that I am currently back in Morris for the weekend, and that the drive down here sucked. Why, do you ask? Well because you and I drove those roads way too much before you left and now there are memories and what-not. It will get better over time, of course, but for now, well I am still going through Jacob withdrawal. ;-)

With out further ado, on with the story!

I am about ready to leave my dorm to head to Morris for the weekend. (woohoo) I am wearing Jacob's shirt in this picture only to rub it in that I look better in it that he does!

ok, so once I got to Morris on Friday night my first stop was the China Buffet. It was kind of late, so the food wasnt top knotch, but the lady there was her usual crazy self and was asking my questions at 100 miles an hour. (including if the woman with me was my sister) It wasnt, it was my mom. (and how come my boyfriend wasnt with me) It took me a while to get it across that he was in Japan to study. But after China Buffet, Mom and I went to Libby's!

Mom and jazz bonding on the couch

Jazz and Lib posing for a picture

Jazz showing me some love!

At libby's I found the CUTEST little jar of ketchup I have ever seen! Of course I had to take a picture of it.


Ok, now flash forward a couple 12 hours....

On Saturday, I spent most of the day in my PJ's (my favorite weekend pastime!) and hung out at home, helped mom paint some doors for the entry way.

While we were painting, Tig was lazily enjoying his last few dog days of summer...

This is my super fabulous pjs and crocs...the most obnoxious shoes ever to be made...

Kaycee showed up! (not to help, of course) but she was around for a little bit anyway.

And, of course, you cant forget to check out the tractors when you go back home! Here is Dad's pulling tractor! (the three wheeler)

Then in the afternoon I went to a wedding of some children of my parents friends. (what a mouth-ful) It was a nice little wedding, with all the nice little things that go along with weddings...like cream cheese mints (my favorite!) and those cute little bells (so old ladies and really beefy guys dont break the fine china)

Ok, so really this story of a day in Morris is supposed to show you that no matter how much you really miss it back home, its still just the same here as it always has been. (although you didnt spend your time like this when you were here, I am sure that the video games and Nykki and Darren are about the same too) and while its weird to be away (for you and I both) its almost just as good to be away and learning, seeing, and experiencing new things.

Oops, I forgot this picture was here...I guess this is what you miss from Morris....?
haha,

Later babe,
Hugs and Kisses,
lala

Good days

Dear Jacob,

I thought I would start the post off with another clip from the guys at Lefthandedtoons, because it reminds me of a conversation you and I could have....I know you will appreciate this canadian humor! ;-)


Ok, well today I got up earl (silly 8 am classes) but I was actually able to follow my psych teacher today and didnt feel so lost like last time, so thats a good thing! after class I biked up to Snap Fitness and was while I was working on some weight machines this guy came up to me and was like "now I like what your doing but can I show you how to make it better?" (I was like...ok dude, who are you.....) Turns out he is a personal trainer that snap hired and he helped me make this awesome workout! It was really neat! Now I am back in my room studying my chinese trying to get ahead a little. oh, I also got swarmed by a flock of sea gulls on my bike today...what an experience! (ok, ok, I might have kind of been riding at them to see if I could run any over. NOT that I actually would! Its just fun to try sometimes... :-P )

I am also on a job search, I checked out some jobs that are open at the college, and one of them is through the athletic department as the mascot Bucky the Beaver. (In a way I think it would be freakin sweet to be the mascot, but...i just dont think its my thing) Joey kindly told me that I would be "Busty the Beaver" and not Bucky :-) but I think I will stick to searching the ambulance garage, hospital, and if I have to, nursing homes. (AHHHH!! DUN DUN DUNNNN)

Sweet dreams! <3

xoxo, lala

The good, the bad, and the crazy

Dearest Jacob,

I know it was a stressful day for you yesterday, but all I can tell you is that I am praying for you (haha, oops, the first time I typed it I accidentally typed preying. haha, "Im gooona eat-cha!" in my best Scottish accent) and that I will do my best to be here and help you out. Plus, you arent an idiot, you are so smart and you are able to fix any problem that gets in your way. It gets a little shitty at times, but usually the good shines through in the end.

A song from Norah Jones pops into my head every time I think about how far away you are.
(Ironically its called "Thinking About You")

Thinking about You

Yesterday I saw the sun shinin',
And the leaves were fallin' down softly,
My cold hands needed a warm, warm touch,
And I was thinkin' about you.

Here I am lookin' for signs of leaving,
You hold my hand, but do you really need me?
I guess it's time for me to let you go,
And I've been thinkin' about you,
I've been thinkin' about you.

When you sail across the ocean waters,
And you reach the other side safely,
Could you smile a little smile for me?
'cause I'll be thinkin' about you,
I'll be thinkin' about you,
I'll be thinkin' about you,
I'll be thinkin' about you.

My favorite verse is the last one (which I have sung to you a couple times) its so true, now more that ever. Especially with this whole email thing, and the registration and the insurance. but now everything is under control (more or less) and you are still there! so thats a plus too, right? :-)

What really prompted me to write this letter to you was that I am sitting here studying my chinese and for the first time in a long time I am enjoying studying, and enjoying learing and I dont have to worry about my school messing things up or giving us the wrong tests. Its nice to be worry free for once. I finally have an urge to start studying my medic stuff too, which is monumental! I also wanted to thank you for believing in me. you have always believed in me and my skills as a medic, even when you havent even seen me work or really know how everthing goes from that standpoint. Even before we were dating, you helped me study (if you could) but we had study parties and what-not. it was really awesome. So I guess what I am trying to say is thanks for being such an awsome friend, and an even more amazing person than I could ever have hoped for!

Ok, enough of this sap stuff, I found this cartoon that I think you will really enjoy!

Hugs and Kisses,

lala

Just some funny things

Dear Jacob,

Well I already know tomorrow will be stressful, because you have had one crazy morning already! (You are like a time machine, its great having a boyfriend a day ahead of me!) So I was looking some things on religion after our talk today, and I found something that I know you will find glorious! It was called "believe in God instant breath spray" Here is its catchy little add..

Believe in God Instantly Breath Spray:


Do you doubt the existence of the Almighty? Or maybe you're simply not sure if there's a God up there or not. If this describes you, you probably envy your religious friends and their unwavering belief in a higher power. They don't have a care in the world, because they know someone is looking out for them.

Well, here's a way to instantly step into the light -- It's called "Believe In God Instantly Breath Spray." Some breath sprays promise to freshen your breath. Other breath sprays say they'll make you popular and kissable. But only this one offers to solve every problem and give your world meaning and purpose.

Just one toke of this minty spray, and you may very well hear the heavenly angels singing up above. If you keep an open mind and soul, the spirit will embrace you, even as your tongue tingles from the refreshing peppermint taste sensation.

According to some, Armageddon will be arriving any day now. For less than six bucks, you can buy some Believe In God Instantly Spray and take the Express Lane to salvation. Don't worry... When the Rapture comes, if you find it didn't work and you're still Earth-bound, we'll give you a complete refund.

Anyway, enough with that. lets see, I told you about all the crazy chinese speaking girls from malaysia in my chinese class...and the creeper guy. I told you about the interesting conversations I have had with your friends, and I have told you (but never enough) that I miss you and hope you have a good day, so thats all I know (or more importantly, all you want to hear about, lol)

Have a peachy keen day! (get it...peach-colored text, peachy keen... :)

Kisses and Hugs,

lala

I would like to add a correction to an earlier post also, in the story "the night of the attack" the third picture (the one that has no meaning, haha) I would like to correct that what is on the TV is, indeed South Park, but it isnt an army, it is a bunch of pirates. It makes the picture EVEN BETTER! (Because pirates are the bomb, and Im going to be a pirate on the River Saskatchewan!)

Night of the attack! A picture story (with some words)

One night I was talking to Jacob while he was in Japan. We were talking for about four hours, and then went our separate ways for the day.... That's when it happened! (Dun Dun Dunnnnn!)

Half hour later...

This is the view out my dorm window. (this is a morning shot because it is prettier!)
What you cannot see out the window is the screen, which, very sneakily, is pushed out of the frame just a little bit. but just enough to let bugs in...

This picture has no meaning in the story, I just like the South Park army on the TV.

Then the attack happened! I looked at the window and noticed it was full of bugs...very gross.
so I gave the screen a little flick and then seen that the screen is coming apart near the top. When I turned around the whole ceiling and wall by my computer were covered with bugs!

What do you do with a room full of bugs?

Well I turned off all the lights and shut off my computer and went to the lounge to study.

In the morning there was a dead bug cemetery around my computer and desk.
(usually that is where my computer is...there were so many bugs they moved it!)

The pile of dead bugs...you little buggers cant get away with anything!

The bug pile ready to go to their resting place....right into the garbage.
Hopefully the maintenance man can fix my screen! (otherwise i will just use duct tape)

Photos

Jacob and I at the hotel

His lovely departure gift.

At the airport, walking around, waiting before
he had to go through security.

Missing out

Dear Jacob,

Oofta, the last two days have been a bit test of my willpower that's for sure. And guess what? I think I am passing! ;-) It was nice to be home (like I was gone for a long time...) and see people. But hey, I even wound up going on an ambulance call, so that was fun!

I've been thinking a lot about life (I really need to stop doing this man. all this thinking garbage is really messing me up)(lol) Is it weird that I feel like I'm being lazy and accomplishing nothing by doing two years of generals? I know what I want to do, but I also feel like I should stick with what I am doing right now in Bemidji, like I haven't given it a full-hearted chance. I love how you have had a dream to go to Japan for so long and now you are finally there! I haven't really had dreams to do anything...well nothing like traveling the world. There are lots of things that I would like to do, but nothing monumental like you! And I'm so happy that you get to do the one thing that you have wanted for so long! I really hope that I can scrounge up enough to come over and see you during Christmas break. Have fun exploring and don't do anything I wouldn't do (that means you need to come back, I dont think I ever would go to Japan for school....JUST KIDDING! ;-)

To end, I would like to leave you with this:

He's coding! Get me a box of kittens, STAT! (Side effects of kittens include sneezing, tiny scratches, and erectile dysfunction)

Hugs & Kisses

-lala